10 Things Not to Say to a Working Mommmy

Since I did a post on what not to say to a Stay At Home Mommy, I figured I would flip the table and do one for the working mommy. Obviously, I have a little more experience with this one since I am a working mommy. However, I still got input from other working mommies and did a little research as well! Enjoy!

 

1) You should be a stay at home mommy. This is time you will never get back.

Chances are, she knows this. All this statement really does is put a guilt trip on the mommy. She knows that it is precious time and that her kids are only small once. However, she knows that bills don't pay themselves so she really has no choice. She buckles up everyday and says goodbye to her little one because she has to, not necessarily because she wants to. When her child runs into her arms when she sees them after work, it makes everything worthwhile. You can never take away those precious moments! And P.S., aren't all years of your child's life precious?

 

2) Don't assume every working mom wants to be a stay at home mommy.

There are many women out there who pride themselves in their job. They enjoy working. They enjoy what they do and they think their job is valuable. That is totally okay! I know a mom who works because it makes her miss her kids more during the day and enjoy time together at night more. I know another who works because she values her education and wants to teach her kids that she is not confined to the home. Not all working moms desire to stay home. It is all personal preference! It doesn't make them any less of a mom!

 
3) If you really wanted to stay home you would find a way to make it work.
This is not necessarily the case and it is wrong of you to assume the financial situation of her and her family. Just because you may think they have enough to "make it work" doesn't mean that they do. Any mommy who wants to stay home has probably tried all the logistics to make it work. Sometimes, they just can't. Don't assume that if they don't "make it work" that they didn't try hard enough or give "enough up". Also understand they may also be helping with saving for a college fund for their child or other things that they think are valuable things to have.

 
4) Stay at home mom's are more dedicated to their children.
This is completely false. Working moms are very dedicated to their children. They are dedicated to providing needs for their children. They sacrifice their wants and desires to stay home so their children have what they need. Both mommies provide, just in different ways!

5) I don't know how you work. I couldn't be away from my kids that much.
"It is very easy to say goodbye to my child as they reach for me every morning saying 'Mommy'", said no mother ever. Saying this is basically saying to her she is insensitive and doesn't miss her kids and wants to be away from them. Just because she works doesn't mean it is easy to be away from her kids all day. Every morning it is hard to say goodbye to her children. Every. Morning. But she does it because she has to, not because it is easy. She learns how to deal with it. It makes her a strong woman doing something that is so hard for her to do daily to help her children.

6) Don't you worry you will miss out on things if you don't stay home?
No, I don't want to see my child roll over for the first time or take their first step. I don't want to see them play with toys and hear their sweet giggle or watch them sleep during nap time.
Yes!!! Of course the mommy probably worries she will miss these things but you asking this question doesn't really help that worry for the mom. However, she probably really cherishes her time when she is with her children since she doesn't see them throughout the day. When you are away from your child in the day, it makes you miss them. It makes it that much sweeter when you get to get home after you have missed them all day. This is just something she can't dwell on or it will drive her crazy. You should not either. She knows that she will just have to soak up her time with her little one when she can and leaves it at that!

7) I couldn't let other people raise my child.
First of all, a day care/pre-school is not raising their child. The day care providers do not make decisions for the children - the parents do. The day care providers are not home with the child when they are sick, the parents are. The parents provide guidance, are at all the extra things they do, provide needs for the child, disciplines the child, gets up with them at 2 am in the night and at 5:30 am on the weekends. The parents instill the values in the child and raise the child. Although the family is thankful for help from those around them and the day-care/pre-school is a great asset to the child, the parents ultimately are raising their child.

8) I bet your child misses you during the day OR I would miss my child too much.
Yes, I bet they do. And yes, mommy misses them like crazy! But you buckle down and do it because you have to. Not because you don't miss them or they don't miss you. It is just life and life isn't always easy. Both mommy and child make it through the day and both are okay!

9)I would give anything to be able to be away from my kids during the days.
If so, let's turn in your resume somewhere! Just like a SAHM mommy is more work and can be way more tiring than you know, so can a working mom. Try working at a job all day, coming home, spending time with kids, cooking dinner and cleaning it up, getting kids ready for bed, packing lunches, taking kids to events, grocery shopping, taking care of bills, and any other household chores that need to be done, all within a 3-5 hour period. It is tiring and not an easy thing to do!

10) There are not enough parents raising their children at home.
I agree! Unless you want to pay bills for people, fight for paid parental leave, or flexible work schedules, you cannot really point this out. I am sure some dad's would enjoy more time at home with kids too. With the financial strain so many families face already, is it really wise to have more parents at home just to have them at home? I disagree that it is better to do that and cause financial strain on families. Families look at what needs they have and what they can do and if the mommy has to work then that should be accepted and not questioned. There is very good, quality child care available for children and is the only option for some people unless they put themselves in finanical ruin, which in my opinion is not smart.

Ultimately, just be sensitive to the mom and try to put yourself in her shoes and what it would be like in their position. Like I said in 10 Things Not to Say to a Stay At Home Mommy, you may have a close relationship where you can talk about this openly with a mommy, but be careful not to place guilt on the mommy. Also, try to understand their situation and why they do what they do. Be sensitive of other people and their feelings.

God has a plan for everyone. Whether that be a working mommy or a stay at home mommy. Where ever He has placed you, do your best to accept it! He has you there for a reason. If He changes your position, try to accept it and understand His will is perfect. He will always provide! On my personal blog, you can see how He provided perfectly for our family! He will for you too! Just trust.

 

Until next time, 

 



10 Things Not to Say to a Stay At Home Mom

As most of you know, I am not a Stay At Home Mom. I know, so how in the world am I going to write this if I am not even a SAHM, right? Well, this post is not from personal experience, but from what my friends have told me and some research I have done. I realize that not all SAHM's will feel exactly the same about this post, but I have used how the majority felt to create this.

 

 

1) Does your husband really make enough for you to stay home?

Honestly, this is not your place to ask and should not concern you. It is her and her husband's choice. Let them make it and be supportive of their decision.

 

2) You are JUST a stay at home mom, you don't have a job.

From SAHM's I have talked to, this is very offensive. I can definitely see why. A SAHM is a full-time job. It is full of house cleaning, laundry, playtime, feedings, changing diapers, play dates, library time, errand running, snot wiping, throw-up cleaning, tantrum bearing, activity planning, and much, much more. I am a teacher, so I am home for 3 months in the summer and I can testify that it isn't just sitting watching movies all day.

 

3) Since you are a SAHM, it must be nice to take naps whenever you want.

It would be nice. However, those dishes don't clean themselves, laundry doesn't do itself, and dinner sure doesn't cook itself. Many SAHM's are doing the necessities of the home while their child naps so they can be on child duty again once their child wakes from their nap.

 

4) It must be nice to not have to work everyday.

Have you ever tried to keep a 6 month old from waking up while your 2 year old is screaming? For hours on end? It is a full time job. You can't let a 2 year old and a baby do as they please as you curl up with a book in bed.  Well, unless you are ready to call the fire department when your 2 year old swallows the bathroom cleaner they found while you were reading and if you can drown out the deafening scream of a baby when they are hungry. It is a full-time job and can be frustrating, tiring, and just plain overwhelming just like any other job.  

 

5) Your husband must make really good money. I could never afford to stay home.

Don't assume this is something they can "afford" or the amount of money her husband makes.  They have found a way to make it work for their family. You don't see the sacrifices their family makes on a daily basis. It is unfair for you to assume this.

 

6 )Do you feel like your degree was a waste of time and money?

Just because they are a SAHM now doesn't mean they won't ever go back to work. However, if they never did, that is their decision. And that is totally okay! Many professionals are not working in their specific "degree" area. Many SAHM also may have not known they wanted to stay home when they got their degree. It may have been a desire after their child was born. That is okay too! Their profession may not be their "degree", but it is still a very important one!

 

7) I could never stay home. I couldn't be without adults all day.

This is like telling the mom that she doesn't long for adult interaction. That may not be true at all. In fact, it most likely isn't true. You also don't know that she doesn't have play dates planned. Even if she doesn't, that doesn't mean she doesn't long for it. She probably takes the situation at hand day by day and just deals with what she has to.  

 

8) What do you do with all your free time?

Oh, SAHM's sit around eating candy and drinking soda while watching Lifetime movies or take long, relaxing bubble baths. Meanwhile, they let their kids run amuck while doing this. I mean, come on. Seriously, children cannot take care of themselves. If you have children, you know it can be hard to find time to go to the bathroom by yourself, let alone have free time.

 

9) It must be really nice to stay home. I really want to, but we just can't financially.

At times, this can make the SAHM mom feel bad that she is able to stay home and you cannot. You do not want to put this strain on your friendship. Your finances are totally different than theirs. Try to be supportive of her opportunity to stay home even if you cannot. You don't want to throw guilt their way for you not being able to stay home. That is not their problem. It is something you have to work out with YOUR family. That is not pleasant to be around. Try to think positive.

 

10) Ultimately, don't get too nosey.

This is a family decision. Unless you are in the family, or they ask, it ultimately has nothing to do with you. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is true. Let their family make the best decision for them and you make the best for yours. If you are close friends with the person, there will probably be times you can ask questions about staying home, but do remember to be respectful of their personal decision. Be careful not to assume and to respect them as you would want to be respected of your decision.

Some of these may be hard to do! :) Especially if you want to stay home but cannot. From personal experience, I try to think positive and look at my situation totally separate and realize it is best for my family. Not that I don't get down sometimes, but throwing a pity party doesn't change things. Just enjoy your sweet blessing from God when you are able to be home with them in the evenings and realize He has a plan for you!! Trust Him and try to make the best of the situation!
 

 

Until next time,