Since I did a post on what not to say to a Stay At Home Mommy, I figured I would flip the table and do one for the working mommy. Obviously, I have a little more experience with this one since I am a working mommy. However, I still got input from other working mommies and did a little research as well! Enjoy!
1) You should be a stay at home mommy. This is time you will never get back.
Chances are, she knows this. All this statement really does is put a guilt trip on the mommy. She knows that it is precious time and that her kids are only small once. However, she knows that bills don't pay themselves so she really has no choice. She buckles up everyday and says goodbye to her little one because she has to, not necessarily because she wants to. When her child runs into her arms when she sees them after work, it makes everything worthwhile. You can never take away those precious moments! And P.S., aren't all years of your child's life precious?
2) Don't assume every working mom wants to be a stay at home mommy.
There are many women out there who pride themselves in their job. They enjoy working. They enjoy what they do and they think their job is valuable. That is totally okay! I know a mom who works because it makes her miss her kids more during the day and enjoy time together at night more. I know another who works because she values her education and wants to teach her kids that she is not confined to the home. Not all working moms desire to stay home. It is all personal preference! It doesn't make them any less of a mom!
3) If you really wanted to stay home you would find a way to make it work.
This is not necessarily the case and it is wrong of you to assume the financial situation of her and her family. Just because you may think they have enough to "make it work" doesn't mean that they do. Any mommy who wants to stay home has probably tried all the logistics to make it work. Sometimes, they just can't. Don't assume that if they don't "make it work" that they didn't try hard enough or give "enough up". Also understand they may also be helping with saving for a college fund for their child or other things that they think are valuable things to have.
4) Stay at home mom's are more dedicated to their children.
This is completely false. Working moms are very dedicated to their children. They are dedicated to providing needs for their children. They sacrifice their wants and desires to stay home so their children have what they need. Both mommies provide, just in different ways!
5) I don't know how you work. I couldn't be away from my kids that much.
"It is very easy to say goodbye to my child as they reach for me every morning saying 'Mommy'", said no mother ever. Saying this is basically saying to her she is insensitive and doesn't miss her kids and wants to be away from them. Just because she works doesn't mean it is easy to be away from her kids all day. Every morning it is hard to say goodbye to her children. Every. Morning. But she does it because she has to, not because it is easy. She learns how to deal with it. It makes her a strong woman doing something that is so hard for her to do daily to help her children.
6) Don't you worry you will miss out on things if you don't stay home?
No, I don't want to see my child roll over for the first time or take their first step. I don't want to see them play with toys and hear their sweet giggle or watch them sleep during nap time.
Yes!!! Of course the mommy probably worries she will miss these things but you asking this question doesn't really help that worry for the mom. However, she probably really cherishes her time when she is with her children since she doesn't see them throughout the day. When you are away from your child in the day, it makes you miss them. It makes it that much sweeter when you get to get home after you have missed them all day. This is just something she can't dwell on or it will drive her crazy. You should not either. She knows that she will just have to soak up her time with her little one when she can and leaves it at that!
7) I couldn't let other people raise my child.
First of all, a day care/pre-school is not raising their child. The day care providers do not make decisions for the children - the parents do. The day care providers are not home with the child when they are sick, the parents are. The parents provide guidance, are at all the extra things they do, provide needs for the child, disciplines the child, gets up with them at 2 am in the night and at 5:30 am on the weekends. The parents instill the values in the child and raise the child. Although the family is thankful for help from those around them and the day-care/pre-school is a great asset to the child, the parents ultimately are raising their child.
8) I bet your child misses you during the day OR I would miss my child too much.
Yes, I bet they do. And yes, mommy misses them like crazy! But you buckle down and do it because you have to. Not because you don't miss them or they don't miss you. It is just life and life isn't always easy. Both mommy and child make it through the day and both are okay!
9)I would give anything to be able to be away from my kids during the days.
If so, let's turn in your resume somewhere! Just like a SAHM mommy is more work and can be way more tiring than you know, so can a working mom. Try working at a job all day, coming home, spending time with kids, cooking dinner and cleaning it up, getting kids ready for bed, packing lunches, taking kids to events, grocery shopping, taking care of bills, and any other household chores that need to be done, all within a 3-5 hour period. It is tiring and not an easy thing to do!
10) There are not enough parents raising their children at home.
I agree! Unless you want to pay bills for people, fight for paid parental leave, or flexible work schedules, you cannot really point this out. I am sure some dad's would enjoy more time at home with kids too. With the financial strain so many families face already, is it really wise to have more parents at home just to have them at home? I disagree that it is better to do that and cause financial strain on families. Families look at what needs they have and what they can do and if the mommy has to work then that should be accepted and not questioned. There is very good, quality child care available for children and is the only option for some people unless they put themselves in finanical ruin, which in my opinion is not smart.
Ultimately, just be sensitive to the mom and try to put yourself in her shoes and what it would be like in their position. Like I said in 10 Things Not to Say to a Stay At Home Mommy, you may have a close relationship where you can talk about this openly with a mommy, but be careful not to place guilt on the mommy. Also, try to understand their situation and why they do what they do. Be sensitive of other people and their feelings.
God has a plan for everyone. Whether that be a working mommy or a stay at home mommy. Where ever He has placed you, do your best to accept it! He has you there for a reason. If He changes your position, try to accept it and understand His will is perfect. He will always provide! On my personal blog, you can see how He provided perfectly for our family! He will for you too! Just trust.
Until next time,
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