10 Things Not to Say to a Stay At Home Mom

As most of you know, I am not a Stay At Home Mom. I know, so how in the world am I going to write this if I am not even a SAHM, right? Well, this post is not from personal experience, but from what my friends have told me and some research I have done. I realize that not all SAHM's will feel exactly the same about this post, but I have used how the majority felt to create this.

 

 

1) Does your husband really make enough for you to stay home?

Honestly, this is not your place to ask and should not concern you. It is her and her husband's choice. Let them make it and be supportive of their decision.

 

2) You are JUST a stay at home mom, you don't have a job.

From SAHM's I have talked to, this is very offensive. I can definitely see why. A SAHM is a full-time job. It is full of house cleaning, laundry, playtime, feedings, changing diapers, play dates, library time, errand running, snot wiping, throw-up cleaning, tantrum bearing, activity planning, and much, much more. I am a teacher, so I am home for 3 months in the summer and I can testify that it isn't just sitting watching movies all day.

 

3) Since you are a SAHM, it must be nice to take naps whenever you want.

It would be nice. However, those dishes don't clean themselves, laundry doesn't do itself, and dinner sure doesn't cook itself. Many SAHM's are doing the necessities of the home while their child naps so they can be on child duty again once their child wakes from their nap.

 

4) It must be nice to not have to work everyday.

Have you ever tried to keep a 6 month old from waking up while your 2 year old is screaming? For hours on end? It is a full time job. You can't let a 2 year old and a baby do as they please as you curl up with a book in bed.  Well, unless you are ready to call the fire department when your 2 year old swallows the bathroom cleaner they found while you were reading and if you can drown out the deafening scream of a baby when they are hungry. It is a full-time job and can be frustrating, tiring, and just plain overwhelming just like any other job.  

 

5) Your husband must make really good money. I could never afford to stay home.

Don't assume this is something they can "afford" or the amount of money her husband makes.  They have found a way to make it work for their family. You don't see the sacrifices their family makes on a daily basis. It is unfair for you to assume this.

 

6 )Do you feel like your degree was a waste of time and money?

Just because they are a SAHM now doesn't mean they won't ever go back to work. However, if they never did, that is their decision. And that is totally okay! Many professionals are not working in their specific "degree" area. Many SAHM also may have not known they wanted to stay home when they got their degree. It may have been a desire after their child was born. That is okay too! Their profession may not be their "degree", but it is still a very important one!

 

7) I could never stay home. I couldn't be without adults all day.

This is like telling the mom that she doesn't long for adult interaction. That may not be true at all. In fact, it most likely isn't true. You also don't know that she doesn't have play dates planned. Even if she doesn't, that doesn't mean she doesn't long for it. She probably takes the situation at hand day by day and just deals with what she has to.  

 

8) What do you do with all your free time?

Oh, SAHM's sit around eating candy and drinking soda while watching Lifetime movies or take long, relaxing bubble baths. Meanwhile, they let their kids run amuck while doing this. I mean, come on. Seriously, children cannot take care of themselves. If you have children, you know it can be hard to find time to go to the bathroom by yourself, let alone have free time.

 

9) It must be really nice to stay home. I really want to, but we just can't financially.

At times, this can make the SAHM mom feel bad that she is able to stay home and you cannot. You do not want to put this strain on your friendship. Your finances are totally different than theirs. Try to be supportive of her opportunity to stay home even if you cannot. You don't want to throw guilt their way for you not being able to stay home. That is not their problem. It is something you have to work out with YOUR family. That is not pleasant to be around. Try to think positive.

 

10) Ultimately, don't get too nosey.

This is a family decision. Unless you are in the family, or they ask, it ultimately has nothing to do with you. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is true. Let their family make the best decision for them and you make the best for yours. If you are close friends with the person, there will probably be times you can ask questions about staying home, but do remember to be respectful of their personal decision. Be careful not to assume and to respect them as you would want to be respected of your decision.

Some of these may be hard to do! :) Especially if you want to stay home but cannot. From personal experience, I try to think positive and look at my situation totally separate and realize it is best for my family. Not that I don't get down sometimes, but throwing a pity party doesn't change things. Just enjoy your sweet blessing from God when you are able to be home with them in the evenings and realize He has a plan for you!! Trust Him and try to make the best of the situation!
 

 

Until next time,